In 2008 I lost my Dad. He was the one person that I had in my life (besides my mom)
Who never judged me.
I remember the knock on the door at 4:45AM. And that’s about it. I basically blocked what happened after completely out!
My brother came to tell me my Dad the best man I had ever known was gone.
Gone??? I still can’t say D word
It just can’t come out of my mouth
He was always there for me
He was So close with my Son
Days turned into months now years and it’s still hard.
So anyone that wants to share please do……
I am hoping my blog I am creating will help someone to just share. And get off your heart what you need to at anytime.:..
WhenyouloseyourDad 
We lost our Dads the same year. We we were both such daddys girls so I know the pain you feel. I still have a hard time because that morning my dad had a procedure done to try to get a stent in to open a blockage, he went home fine, I was going to stop by & visit after work but I had such a shitty day at work (I worked with a bunch of assholes who treated me like shit) that I just got in my car after work and before I knew it I was half way home so I told myself I’ll just go see him tomorrow, don’t ever wait for tomorrow because you may never get it. I also deal with, if I went could I
have done something to save him? I was an EMT, would I have realized something was wrong & have been able to save him? I surely would have known he needed an ambulance to the closest hospital (wouldn’t I) & not just to the ER were he had the procedure, which was not the closest, but the the dr told my mom to bring him there & that’s what she did, wouldn’t I? I’ll never know the answers, but I do know if I was there my mother wouldn’t have been alone. He slumped over in the seat next to her as she was taking him to the hospital never to breathe again. If I went there that day she wouldn’t have had to face that alone, all because I had a shitty day, well hers was worse, but I still can’t stop thinking what if…..& crying about it. It kills my the way I told my daughter too, I just blurted it out on the phone & she was 6 months pregnant too boot. Didn’t get any mother of the year award for that. 11 years & I can’t apologize enough to her for that. Still the worst day of my life. Life sucks
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Dena. We certainly were Daddy’s girls!
Just living three doors apart. I’m sure at that young age we would’ve never of imagine losing our fathers the way we both did and wishing we could’ve done something different. I’m so sorry that you had to go through that!!!! I’m sure you have so many people telling you don’t blame yourself and it’s not your fault and they are right your Dad probably wouldn’t have wanted you there if the outcome would’ve been the same because he probably just didn’t want you Who loved him so very much see him pass away… similar stories my dad was in the hospital as well he went in to have a first surgery where he was going to need a few more after all heart related wound up having a second surgery while he was there which was not heart related and had a tough road ahead of him but he was getting better and the day before he passed away I was with him that afternoon and when I was going to leave I stopped at the doorway and I looked back at him and I will never forget the look on his face it stopped me in my tracks and I said Dad what’s the matter? and I walked back in the room and he said [Oh I’m just so disgusted] I remember stroking his head and saying Dad it’s OK you’re gonna be coming home he was upset because they wanted him to go to a rehab place to get stronger after his heart surgery and he just wanted to come home and I said to him don’t worry you’ll be home soon enough Moms on her way why don’t you just relax so he did and he closed his eyes and I remember walking out of that room and thinking OK that’s it we’re all coming back tomorrow we’re all going to visit him and cheer him up and never got that chance because that’s the night that he passed away in the middle of the night.
I so very very often wondered if I would’ve been there I could’ve done something different I hated the fact that he was alone in the hospital when he passed away it haunts me but I think that’s the way he wanted it… The same way I think that’s the way your dad wanted it they were such a proud strong men I don’t think they wanted their little girls to witness them taking their last breath….
Thank you so so much for sharing your story….
Love ❤️ you😘
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